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Like you Will, I never saw myself having kids, all I wanted in life was to pay off my mortgage and be 'free' and maybe save some cash & travel a bit.
Then one day Mrs Gahoo announced she had a bun in the oven and I'll be honest - I felt physically sick!
It took a good few weeks for me to get my head around the idea, and I did a lot of thinking about how my life would change. Then as the weeks and month passed by I got more excited about the whole thing.
Now, our baby is 18weeks old and I LOVE being a dad!
I feel my life is complete now & none of the other sh!t seems to matter anymore, all I care about is that the little feller is happy and looked after.
When I come home late from work after a stressful day, I can be tired and feeling down but when I look into the little fellers face and his eyes light up, he smiles at me because he's happy to see me - & let me tell you, know matter how hard you are it will break your heart. Suddenly fcuk work because nothing matters anymore, just that he's happy and were a family!
I've had a very bad day at work today so that may have something to do with it, but I actually nearly burst into tears reading Wolfgang's and bead's posts above.
I don't want kids any time soon, but I definitely want kids.
Is it weird that I occasionally feel all paternal at the age 24?
Again, I don't want to settle down any time soon but I really like the idea of having kids and being there as the grow up.
I tried talking to a mate about it once but he got weirded out and then we carried on watching the football and talking about real ale.
I've never wanted children. I knew parenthood was not for me - and that was great. Other people were made to be parents - not me.
A couple of relationships probably floundered over the fact that I was fairly clear that I was cut out to be a parent - it wasn't on the agenda. I was bloody good uncle material - but father hood would be a step too far.
End of story. Almost.
When I hit my forties, some of my contemporaries started to have "late blessings". One time I was holding the baby (well, toddler) and somebody assumed I was the dad. I explained that I was an old friend of the dad's. Only to be told I looked right with a child. Friend/baby's dad told me he was slightly jealous because I seemed so at ease.
This has happened on several occasions (with different babies) and there was the slow realisation that I've messed up big time.
Although - biologically - I could still be a parent, I've decided that I am too old. (Assuming I got myself into a relationship pretty quickly and had a kid quickly, I would probably be the age my father was when I was born - an old father didn't work for me).
Apologies if this sounds a bit gloomy (and it's supposed to be Will's blog FFS), it's not supposed to. What I would say is don't rule it out - and occasionally rethink your decision. But not after you've had the child of course! ;-)
So - anyone need a surrogate uncle? I can fold/close pushchairs, sort of bottles - can even do nappies at a pinch.
Nothing in life compares with the birth.....the world is completely turned upside down and there is absolutely no emotion like it. Meeting your child, face to face for the first time is as profound an experience as anything in a human life. In both cases, we have two sons, I felt I knew them straight away.
So marriage, mortgage and all that stuff is just child's play in comparison.....your life really changes totally and permanently when you have kids.
There is an immediate sense of immortality, that you are part of a chain that will carry on after you and which came down to you from jages past and simultaneously, a feeling that your own life is not the central purpose of existance. You know that you would die to save their lives.
So go for it, enjoy it but know that your world will change for ever.
The Wolf sums it up perfectly with this.
Sometimes I can't get my head around just how much I love my kids. My instinct to protect them is much greater than my own survival.
So - anyone need a surrogate uncle? I can fold/close pushchairs, sort of bottles - can even do nappies at a pinch.
It's good to read such a reflective, personal and emotionally grown up post Claudio.. although I would expect no less from what I have read in your other posts.
I don't think you should write off being a Dad though. Who knows what life might bring.. you might meet "the one" and still be a Dad. I'm sure being an older father has it's own challenges and it's own rewards... you may find a child of your own had a very different view than you have of your own father being older.
I always knew I wanted children, and as other posters have said it is difficult to put into words the visceral, all consuming nature of the connection with your own child.
However, I like to think if I'd never become a father, that there would have been other things in my life which would have made up for it. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent (just look around at some of the bad parenting you see). It's not difficult to father a child..it is difficult to be a good Dad.
I know part of you will always wonder "what if" , but I'm also sure you would make a very fine uncle!
It does kill me that realistically I will never be able to have a family. I visited my cousin's kids last weekend and they are so adorable I wanted to steal them. I'm good with kids as well because I don't patronise them.
I'll just have to compensate by being the best damn uncle I can be. It won't be the same, but it's better than nothing!
What really gets me though, is hand on my heart I honestly believe that I would make a good father... my own parents have given me such a good model to follow. Yet there's so many guys out there who 'father' children and don't give a fuck. That really winds me up.
Although - biologically - I could still be a parent, I've decided that I am too old. (Assuming I got myself into a relationship pretty quickly and had a kid quickly, I would probably be the age my father was when I was born - an old father didn't work for me).
Having read your posts (and also meeting you at the Christmas drinks), Claudio, I'm sure you'd be a really good uncle... and dad if you ever change your mind.
My father was in his fifties when I was born so I was interested in your remarks about older parents. You say it didn't work for you but it, on balance, did for me. My father had more time, patience and experience of fatherhood by the time I and my two brothers came along (we were his second family by his second wife). For his generation he was a remarkably hands-on parent and I think all three of us owe him a great deal.
I suppose the down side was that we knew that he wasn't going to be around for ever and, even though that is obviously true about all parents, it was brought home to us sooner maybe than to most during our "formative" years.
He died in his, actually very youthful, mid-eighties and I think we were prepared for that but the three of us may have a deep seated melancholy which was born of having an older parent that we all look back on with both respect and affection.
The positive side of that is that we are probably more in tune with enjoying the good things whilst they are still around and none of us waste much time on things we don't really enjoy.
So, if you change your mind Claudio, just think of the many positive things you could give to your children.....I think they'd be very fortunate to have had someone like you as their father.
It is interesting how many guys felt the same as me about having kids, me and my wife were very happy not to have children and frustrated our parents and siblings with the fact we were not planning any.
Then my wife fell pregnant whilst on the pill, and after the initial shock we both came around to the idea of being parents.
My son being born is by far the best thing that has ever happened to us and every day he lights up our lives. He is so much fun and so loving, naughty at times but a proper little boy.
The one piece of advice i would give is really enjoy the early stages, i have friends who are not interested until the child is toddling and more interesting, that is rubbish as if you get involved with everything when they are tiny it's very rewarding.
I play with my boy every day and am getting as much belly biting , tickling, wrestling as i can while he is young.
Will
I read your other post about the loss of a little one and i welled up, It sounds like you and your wife will be great parents, naming your child whilst they are in the whomb is great, we did that and it makes it easier to bond.
Good luck with being a father
The one piece of advice i would give is really enjoy the early stages, i have friends who are not interested until the child is toddling and more interesting, that is rubbish as if you get involved with everything when they are tiny it's very rewarding.
Hey Ben, a Mansized welcome if you haven't had one already. I'm with you on the above - Adam does something new every day and is always a joy. Got a pic of his latest trick coming up in a mo.
Ben_M wrote:
I read your other post about the loss of a little one and i welled up, It sounds like you and your wife will be great parents, naming your child whilst they are in the whomb is great, we did that and it makes it easier to bond.
Good luck with being a father
I find it hard to read that post now, sorry it made you blub! We try our best with the little 'un - I'd like to spend more time with him but guess it's the same for many dads.
I really cannot stand fathers that leave their children. I know a couple of friends that have been abandoned by their dads and it has really messed up with their lifes. Mentally, emotionally and financially.
