I think mind games are played by the emotionaly immature and those kind of credentials really dont enamour you to a relationship with the person anyway
Depends what you mean by 'mind games', or 'playing games'.
Everyone game plays to some degree. For example, you don't walk into a club and go up to a girl you like and say, 'lets go out for a date'. You make eye contact, talk, maybe dance. Then you move on to a new game. You get each others number, talk/text, go on a date. Again, on the date you don't just say whatever you want, you control yourself, listen to them, etc. Then you move onto the next game and so on.
Depends what you mean by 'mind games', or 'playing games'.
Everyone game plays to some degree. For example, you don't walk into a club and go up to a girl you like and say, 'lets go out for a date'. You make eye contact, talk, maybe dance. Then you move on to a new game. You get each others number, talk/text, go on a date. Again, on the date you don't just say whatever you want, you control yourself, listen to them, etc. Then you move onto the next game and so on.
I play way too many games, and find it hard not to. Trying very hard not to do it with this prospective guy as it's seriously screwed up my previous relationships.
I play way too many games, and find it hard not to. Trying very hard not to do it with this prospective guy as it's seriously screwed up my previous relationships.
People with issues play games to extremes.
yep its called defense mechanism!
Just be yourself and be honest you have to learn to trust again some time
Depends what you mean by 'mind games', or 'playing games'.
Everyone game plays to some degree. For example, you don't walk into a club and go up to a girl you like and say, 'lets go out for a date'. You make eye contact, talk, maybe dance. Then you move on to a new game. You get each others number, talk/text, go on a date. Again, on the date you don't just say whatever you want, you control yourself, listen to them, etc. Then you move onto the next game and so on.
I wouldn't define the situations you've put above as mind games though. I'd define mind games (in a relationship context) as:
Portraying one mental state or situation dishonestly to influence the behaviour of the other party.
The fact that you flirt/build up conversation before asking a girl out isn't behaving dishonestly. At no point have you portrayed a different mental state (interest/disinterest) to the one you are feeling you are just gradually opening up.
Pretending you aren't interested when you are is being dishonest.
In your second example the same applies, you aren't being dishonest just gradually revealing more and more of your honest situation/feelings.
I think the difference between what you described and a mind game is if you would happily answer with the truth if called on it.
If it's a mind game, the girl is likely to say "no, honestly, I've got my mother coming over on Friday night that's why I can't go out" when it's not true. In your second situation above if the girl asked "look do you want to sleep with me or not" then you should be able to answer honestly and it be in concordance with your actions/behaviour at that point.
treeman wrote:
Everyone does it.
Everyone reveals more and more of a coherent emotional state so as to not leave themselves wide open to humiliation if the state/feeling is not reciprocated, however there's a difference between that and feigning the opposite state/situation to provoke them into behaving differently to the way they would if you hadn't.
I still stand by the fact that I don't play mind-games. It's bullshit and I don't have time for it (either doing or receiving)
That's why I don't hate her or want to label her a cvnt like has been suggested and ignore her - she's still a good friend and is maybe a bit naive/ inexperienced
Fair enough. I don't know how old she is, but I still maintain that if she really likes you - she wouldn't fuck off with her mate and ignore you in a club.
My advice is still the same though - ask her out. If she likes you she'll say yes.
Even a total dating numpty knows that you can only play games for so long before a bloke moves on to a better prospect - if she genuinely likes you, trust me, she won't want that to happen.
