I've been out of a relationship for a little under 2 years. I don't believe I'm ready for another long-term relationship just now. But I don't want to be celibate indefinitely.

There are dating sites, like say, Adultfriendfinder, which supposedly match up people who want to hook up, find a friend with benefits, that kind of thing. What I've read in on-line user reviews of that particular site says they're a rip-off, that most of the women are really just selling web-cam services and phone sex, or that many profiles are fake.

One dating advisor says that the ratio of men to women on those sites is so unfavorable that it's not even worth it (he recommends using regular dating sites even if all you want is a FWB).

Would any commenters here like to weigh in with their own experiences (I'm in North America)? Petra, if you're looking at this forum, what's your opinion?

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Hi MB, Dr Petra will be along to answer your question today. Cheers, W

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I've tried a few and several are just a con. There are very few 'genuine' women on most of the ones I looked at.

I still get bombarded by emails from these so called 'women' ... here's an example one, I got this morning ...


How have you been? I've been meaning to hit you up for a while now and wanted to talk to you about getting together for coctails or maybe coffee, I prefer coctails cuz it's easier to break the ice LOL. You responded to my ad about a little while ago and yes i am interested in meeting you! I got so many messages I became overwhelmed and almost gave up. Then I saw yours and figured you're worth a shot ;) In case you don't remember who I am, you can see my pics at www.myloverconnection.com

You can find me by searching for bellastar. The fact that it's an invite only type site is really nice so i don't have to worry about getting so many unwanted replies. I hope to hear from you soon. I've had about a 3 month dry-spell and I think I might be losing my mind LOL. I'll be waiting!

xoxoxo,
bellastar


How gullible do you need to be ?

On a more positive note I found a site for married people to meet up and it was actually very good. I am married but my wife and I don't have sex much (because she can't and she said it would make her happier if she knew I wasn't going without).

That site had a fee for men and women got on for free. I met several very genuine ladies from it and ended up in a (brief) sexual relationship with one. The site also seemed to be very well policed and there was no nude pics and the like being posted.

So there are genuine sites out there, just not very many

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Hi MB
Like you I've heard mixed reviews about a lot of adult/friend sites. The majority of anecdotal evidence does seem to indicate there are far more men on sites than women, and that not everyone signing up to sites are clear about what they are offering.

It isn't clear from your message exactly what you are after. If you want sex without any other commitment then an adult site like the one LBS recommended could be worth trying. Look over a few sites, see whether you like the feel of any of them, and sign up to see what offers you get. I'd avoid any sites which you have to pay for, and only sign up to a free service at this time. If you decide you like a site enough to pay for it you can always do so later.

Set out exactly what it is you are offering in a clear and friendly way. You can still enjoy friendly and respectful relations with someone even if it's not going to be a relationship. If you have any replies from women then check what they are offering fits within your profile and described wants/needs. I'd recommend having some chat online first and not giving away too much of yourself until you feel confident about the person. If you do hear from someone you like the sound of I'd meet in a public place for a coffee first, to check out if you think they're genuine, and to see if you want to take things further. Condoms are a must if you are having sex with someone and I'd arrange to have encounters in a hotel rather than your own home (unless you feel that you can trust someone). Clearly if payment or gifts are requested it's time to end things.

Although that takes me onto another option. If you just want sex without strings and are uncertain about some of the adult dating style sites then paying for it is an option - at least you know what you're getting from the start. If that doesn't appeal then please ignore this comment :-)

Alternatively it may be you would like a relationship that is casual (and includes sex) but isn't going to be something long term or serious. There's no reason why you can't join a regular dating site and meet people there so long as you are clear about what is on offer. Many sites do let you set out that you aren't looking for anything long term right now. It doesn't stop you enjoying dates and having company - or even making new friends.

Not sure if any of those options appeal, but I would suggest the main thing to sort out is exactly what it is you are after, and then seek out sites where you think you'll have the most likelihood of getting it.

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I'm sorry to hear things have gotten to be that way for you and her. I'm glad the two of you seem to have found a work-around.

Isn't that the stone truth?

That site you mentioned isn't, by any chance, http://www.ashleymadison.com/ , is it?

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First, Dr. Petra, thank you for your reply to my questions (my apologies for taking this long to reply).

Well, I guess I'm kind of foggy about what I'm looking for. I'm still kind of reeling from the after-effects of my last relationship. Like I said, I don't want to be celibate indefinitely. I've only ever had one one-night stand, but that was long ago. I'm not sure if I'm up to another long-term relationship right now, but am I subconsciously looking for something more than a one-shot-deal (he asked himself)? In any case, a megadose of human contact would feel really nice right now.

Update: I've tried Onlinebootycall.com, and I've gotten a few responses, but no real-life meet-ups have resulted. Bought 3 months with them, wouldn't do it again. I've heard good things about Lavalife. Have to check that out.

I'm with you 200% on that point, Dr. Petra. I guess the proper word for what I'm seeking is "friend with benefits".

Thank you for reminding me of those points, Doctor.

Unfortunately, in all but a select few places here in the USA (mainly in the state of Nevada), personal sex work is illegal (look what happened to our governor!). So that option's off the table. Not that sex-as-a-business-deal is my cup of latte!

A simple concept, but such an easy one to forget sometimes!

Thank you for being the voice of sanity, once again.

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