Two criminal fleas are sat on a womans pussy. One is a drug dealer, the other is a thief. How can you tell the difference?
One is hiding in the bush, the other is sniffing crack.
Edited Thu 8 May at 5:23pm
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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the nobel prize?
It's because he was outstanding in his field.
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The newest additions....
Paddy was in bed with his wife one morning when the phone rings. Paddy answers the phone and after a slight pause shouts down the receiver "I dont know! Ring the fucking coastguard!"
"Who was that?" Asks his wife?
"Dunno" says Paddy, "some silly cunt who wanting to know if the coast was clear!"
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Paddy and Seamus were over in London for the day, and whilst walking down the road they saw a sign saying 'Shirts £5, Trousers £3, Jackets £6'.
"Wow" Says Paddy "that place is a bargain - we should buy all of their stock!"
Seamus agrees and they go into the shop. They put on their best English accents, and ask could they buy all of the clothes the shop had.
The man behind the counter looks straight at them and says "You lads are Irish aren't you?"
"Yeah" Says Seamus. "How did you know?"
"Because we are a Dry Cleaners" said the man behind the desk......
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