my mums best friend (who is like a second mother to me) has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, they are going to try and operate but its not looking good. I was wondering how to act around her, do I carry on as normal or do I mention how much we all love her and if there's anything u can do (she knows I would do anything for her and her family who we are very close to).
Also, is bowel cancer terminal? What sort of things can we expect? No one I know has had cancer (that I can recall)
Its most upsetting...
*cries*
She's the bestest most loving person I think I have ever met, its not fair
The key is probably to take the cues from the woman herself - if you know her well, you should be able to pick up whether she wants you to be gentle/caring or a bit more boisterous (the STE she knows and... puts up with). In truth, it will probably need a mix of both - and remember to offer support to the rest of the family as well, that may help them to help her.
The key is probably to take the cues from the woman herself - if you know her well, you should be able to pick up whether she wants you to be gentle/caring or a bit more boisterous (the STE she knows and... puts up with). In truth, it will probably need a mix of both - and remember to offer support to the rest of the family as well, that may help them to help her.
thanks claudio, I just want to give her a big hug but it may not be what she wants. My mum is heart broken as well.
Her son is getting married in December, I hope shes there to see it.
With bowel cancer it is often the secondaries that kill (cancer in other organs) - and people don't always know immediately whether they have them. Sometimes bowel cancer is operable, sometimes it is treatable with radio/chemo. In other words, there are many prognoses.
In terms of behaviour, you know this person best so know how to respond to them. In general I would say be your usual self and be cheery and entertaining. Often the person themselves will feel that they have to cheer up friends and family around them and this can be quite an effort.
However, also be sensitive to the fact that certain things might change and once they start having treatment they will not be quite the same person. These treatments are extremely powerful and cause all sorts of symptoms and difficulties.
You can help by helping the people around her too.
ETA: much the same as Claudio's advice really
ETAA: with hugs etc and telling people you love them, it may seem weird but I think it's more likely than not that this will be deeply appreciated :)
I've nothing to add except that if it was your normal practice to hug and cuddle her then I'd suggest, depending on whether she seems to want it ( obviously) still...that you make sure it's still available.
She's still the same person, no need to tiptoe or hold back on the usual loving approach.
Lot's of cancers are very successfully treated with mixtures of treatment. There may be every reason to be optimistic.
Your mum will need a fair bit of support to I imagine.
Oh Ste, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope she pulls through ok. As everyone else says, I think she will prob appreciate extra hugs, but see how she reacts. Some people "don't want to make a fuss" and prefer to pretend everything is fine.
Can't really add anything to the tip-top advice dished out already, except that my friend's uncle (he is mid-40s) was recently treated for bowel cancer, and as it was caught early they managed to get all of the cancer, and is living an almost normal life now. He has got a colostomy bag, but it is a small price to pay for still being on this planet, and I am sure that in about 12-18 months time he will have another operation that will reconstruct his bowel (or something like) to allow him to ditch the 'bag.
My Grandma's neighbour, who is in her 60s, has also recently been treated, and the outcome was much the same as above.
The need for a stoma depends on the site of the growth and how much bowel is removed. They aren't always necessary and those that are aren't always permanent.
