It is the end of the 21st century and human society has been decimated by a biological warfare experiment gone wrong. Instead of creating a race of genetically engineered super soldiers, a vampire like sub species with enhanced physical abilities called the “Hemophages” has been created by mistake.
To save humanity from these new beasts (who are actually pretty harmless), totalitarian dictator Daxus (Chinland) vows to wipe the swine out, forcing the bloodsuckers into hiding for years to come.
A decade later, leather clad tough nut Violet (Kovovich) is one of the few Hemophages to have escaped Daxus’ clutches, and is sent on a mission by her Gallic commander (we’re not sure why he’s French as the action takes place in Shanghai) to retrieve a biological weapon that will bring to an end the battle between man and vampire. And if you understood a word of that then you’re a better man than me.
They say:
Total Film: “Gleaming, deafening and thoroughly boring, this is sci fi by numbers that makes you rue the day Luc Besson ever made Jovovich a star.”
Empire: “Unengaging, uninspired and unwatchable. A criminal waste of time and talent.”
BBC: “The script isn't simply nonsensical, or confused, or poorly structured. It's actual nonsense. The acting isn't under powered, or pretentious, or half hearted. It's laugh out loud ludicrous. And so on.”
We say:
“Are you mental?” inquires Nick Chinlund as Violet prepares to take on 700 ninjas with her bare hands, although he might have been better served asking his agent the same question when he first read the script for “Ultraviolet”.
A bafflingly ridiculous plot, PlayStation standard CGI, and a lead performance from Jovovich that might as well have been computer generated for all the realism she brings to the role, combine to create a truly unwatchable cinematic car crash.
Writer/ director Kurt “Equilibrium” Wimmer who was responsible for the polished screenplays of “The Thomas Crown Affair” and “The Recruit” mixes abysmal dialogue (Violet: "He is not dead", Garth: "What do you mean?", Violet: "I mean he is alive") with scientific mumbo jumbo ("dimension compressing" / "vampiral antigens") and repetitively dull action sequences.
All of which is accompanied by a deafening soundtrack and a humour vacuum that is only filled unintentionally when Jovovich asks herself “Why am I doing this?” Good question love.
Extras:
After sitting though the film it seems unlikely that anyone would have the remotest interest in the special features package - a suspicion which is backed up by director Kurt Wimmer’s decision to have nothing to do with the whole messy affair.
In his place we get Jovovich, who gives one of the most monotonously unenlightening commentaries in memory.
Elsewhere, the cast and crew try – and fail horribly – to explain the plot in a basic half hour “Making Of” documentary.
Anyone willing to punish themselves even further have the option of sitting though six pointless deleted scenes that include an extended version of the library fight and an alternative opening. Stay away.
CAST
Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund, Sebastien Andrieu,
Ida Martin, William Fichtner, David Collier, Kieran O’Rorke
DIRECTOR
Kurt Wimmer
TIME
xx mins
POSTED...
Tue 7 Nov 2006 at 6:32pm
