Kung fu is for sissys. Angry mum training is the best. It teaches you how to be like an angry mum. The main method of attack is the 'wet hand slap'. When your mum hits you, she always has a wet hand from washing the pots. It's like getting a haymaker from mike tyson. Only wetter.

The 'rolling pin thrown like a girl' can be a killer too. Because you throw it like a girl, its flight is random, and it can rebound of the floor in an odd direction. Fatal in the right hands.

My teacher is Rita from Wigan. She's 48 and has 3 kids and has been an angry mum for 20 years.