Nuts and Zoo's norks war over the last couple of years bothers me. God, I love boobs as much as most of you, but the way these mags try to pretend they're wholesome harmless fun gets on my wick. They're soft porn. And if we're applying the same rules they should be covered up and relegated to the top shelf.

I'm also concerned about the message they promote, particularly to their younger audience. Turn to any page and you'll see pneumatic blondes and brunettes - how many women look like this for a start? - who're always available and gagging for it.

One regular feature - Street Strip - implies you can grab any woman off the street, bung her £50 and she'll take her top off. Folks here may think I'm a prude but what message does this send to teenage lads? Particularly in the absence of decent sex education.