Ok, I'm going to keep this as short as I can but I should warn you that this has the potential to be a long post!

I've been seeing a girl from work for the last 6 weeks or so. During that time I've found out that she's quite ill. Her mother died of breast cancer, her sister has just been battling it and she has the gene. She's undergoing an operation at the end of the year, which in her own words "will mean that she's not even a woman any more." Now I think she's assuming that I'm not going to want to know her after this operation and as a result she's been quite distant ... which has put a fair bit of strain on the relationship, to such a point that I don't know whether my assumption is correct or whether she's genuinely not that interested in the relationship. It's very hard to get her to open up and speak. The crunch came last week when we were invited over to drinks with a mutual friend. She couldn't make it anyway, but also mentioned that she wouldn't go because "people would think of us as bf and gf" which she didn't want.

Now, at the same time I've been meeting a group of people to watch the CL football on a regular basis: a few old friends and a couple of people that they work with ... one of which is a girl that I get on really well with. Anyway, last time we met up she hinted that however the football turns out, the two of us should go out for a drink alone at some point.

I kind of laughed it off a bit at the time, but I have to admit that I'm tempted to see how it would go. Especially as I'm not sure whether there is mutual 'interest' in the relationship I'm currently. However, if I'm right in my assumption that the girl I'm seeing at the moment is trying to protect herself because she's sure I'm not going to be interested once she undergoes surgey, then I'm going to feel crap leaving her ... however, as I say I don't know whether that is actually true and it's becoming hard to keep giving her benefit of the doubt.

I guess what I'm saying is, do you think I can at least go out for a drink or two with this second girl to see whether there's anything there?

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I'm not sure you can have a decent outcome with regards to the girl from work. Stay with her and you end up seeing her through a difficult emotional time, all the stress of her going through surgery etc and possibly ending up in some sort of dependent relationship. Leave her and you're the bastard who broke up with a girl just because she's ill. It depends if you're more bothered about what people think or what you want.

To be honest I'd probably go out with the other girl anyway - if you've only been seeing the girl from work for a few weeks and she's said to you that she doesn't want to be seen as bf&gf then you've not got any ties. You never know how it could have worked out otherwise.

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My own thoughts - you have been seeing a girl for 6 weeks and are already thinking of going out with someone else. She doesn't need you, she needs someone who loves her and will support her. That person isn't you, so however you do it, break up gently please, before it goes any further.

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Certainly not without having an open and honest conversation with the girl you've been seeing.

I take it she is going to be having an elective mastectomy? (sorry if that is the wrong way to say it). Poor woman :(

I think you need to be honest. I think your assumption is probably correct and she's assuming YOU won't want to have a sexual relationship with her after she's had this procedure. Or it could be that she's unable to have a relationship with you because of what is going on with her health.

I think you need to do two things - firstly identify if you like her enough to continue with the relationship (assuming she will open up, trust you etc), bearing in mind it is going to get tough. Then you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and that you don't know where you stand with her.

I think only when you hear it from her can you make a decision about this other woman. Please don't see someone else behind her back - she's going through enough as it is.

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I thought about this for a while, because I appreciate your situation.

I was going to put some intelligent, moral arguments, mostly about treating people properly and all that, but then I thought, why?

At the end of the day mate, do whats right for yourself. Be selfish. Sorry to anyone if that sounds insensitive, but when you look after over people first, I've found that you end up suffering.

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You can do as you wish.

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Dan I right. You can't live your life for someone else without any consideration for yourself. You have to come first.

If you like Girl 2 then go for it. The rest is just window dressing on the situation.

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Yeah, I'm really sorry for this girl, really, but if the relationship continued and people asked how you got together, the answer would be, she had her breasts cut off and I felt too guilty to leave her.

You should want to be with her because you want to be with her.

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And you shouldn't second guess her.

You said she doesn't want people to think of you as bf and gf, you second guessed her reasons why, but maybe she just doesn't like you in that way?

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I agree with this point. You are looking for a relationship, not to be someone's carer. You've only been going out for 6 weeks so presumably is not that serious yet. I can understand it seems a bit callous in a way, but she is the one letting you off the hook.

There is nothing stopping you being a good friend and offering platonic support. But if you want to go for the other girl, break up with the first one now. Like matt said - maybe she doesn't like you that way anyway!

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