" 'Nice guys' use excuses like, "My mommy doesn't love me, nobody's ever accepted me for who I am, I'll never find love, etc." He'll lead you into false hopes with promises of changes, but slips back into his old ways when he doesn't feel the need to be on his best behavior anymore (usually after makeup sex), and will guilt-trip you into eventually accepting him for who he is.
A Jerk won't budge. He may or may not acknowledge his negative behavior, doesn't give a shit what you think, will not make compromises, and explicitly states that you're going to have to accept him for who he is.
See? The end results are exactly the same.."
Marvellous deconstruction of the self-pity of whining 'nice guys' from the Heartless Bitches here
The passage seems like a sweeping generalisation to me. Nice guys can be all kinds of blokes from the types mentioned to those who are just generally nice or a bit clueless. Jerks can jerk around in all sorts of ways.
Isn't this site just an excuse for bad behavior? Just my 2p worth.
The passage seems like a sweeping generalisation to me. Nice guys can be all kinds of blokes from the types mentioned to those who are just generally nice or a bit clueless. Jerks can jerk around in all sorts of ways.
Isn't this site just an excuse for bad behavior? Just my 2p worth.
I'm okay Will, thanks. Always happier when it's hot and sunny. Hope your family is coming along. I seem to remember 9 months is when they become personalities, then they start crusing the furniture and within a few months of being 1 they are zooming everywhere under their own power. But when they are much younger and learn to recognise you first thing in the morning and give you that smile; that's a scene you will never forget.
Yeah the site might be an excuse for bad behaviour...but it makes a change to have women making the excuses for a change instead of the usual 'boys will be boys' routine!
I genuinely do think though that the bit on nice guys is good reading. For many guys that is a new - female - perspective on their own funk. I have read a fair bit of frustrated nice guy dismay and bewilderment on here over the years. This gives some insights into why from a woman's point of view 'niceness' is not as attractive as jerkery and implicitly how nice guys can brush up their acts. Agreed it all depends on the definition of 'nice'...
Here's another refreshing look at the bad boy/nice guy issue from a feminist website. Even there nice guys come in for a share of stick.
I genuinely do think though that the bit on nice guys is good reading though. For many guys that is a new - female - perspective on their own funk. I have read a fair bit of frustrated nice guy dismay and bewilderment on here over the years. This gives some insights into why from a woman's point of view 'niceness' is not as attractive as jerkery and implicity how nice guys can bruish up their act. Agreed it all depends on the definition of 'nice'...
Here's another refreshing look at the bad boy/nice guy issue from a feminist website. Even there nice guys come in for a share of stick.
I actually think jerks are the better deal, as at least they're honest. While the "nice guys" may not be assholes, the pathetic whining and their inability to decide who they are make it more complicated. By this I mean that assholes are themselves and don't apologise if they are jerks because of it, while the nice guys are deluded into thinking they will change for somene. So in my opinion it's better long term to have a woman accept the guy for who they are rather than trying to change to be what they want.
I'm okay Will, thanks. Always happier when it's hot and sunny. Hope your family is coming along. I seem to remember 9 months is when they become personalities, then they start crusing the furniture and within a few months of being 1 they are zooming everywhere under their own power. But when they are much younger and learn to recognise you first thing in the morning and give you that smile; that's a scene you will never forget.
We're getting a lot of that now. He's now kicking off games like Pee Po (spelt correctly?) that he wants to play and he's turning into a right little flirt - big smiles and burbling for people he likes.
Mark wrote:
I genuinely do think though that the bit on nice guys is good reading. For many guys that is a new - female - perspective on their own funk. I have read a fair bit of frustrated nice guy dismay and bewilderment on here over the years.
Not so much here but at MH "why doesn't she like me" threads were common. I always thought that it's better to just be yourself so potential partners can see exactly what they're getting. Why put on an act? It's just not worth it.
loki wrote:
I actually think jerks are the better deal, as at least they're honest. While the "nice guys" may not be assholes, the pathetic whining and their inability to decide who they are make it more complicated. By this I mean that assholes are themselves and don't apologise if they are jerks because of it, while the nice guys are deluded into thinking they will change for somene.
Hi mate. Maybe a lot of women mistake jerk-ery for men with strong opinions, a sense of fun, a sense of direction. There's a fine line between that and arrogance though. I've a couple of friends who seem to pick this kind of man but end up being dicked over in the end.
loki wrote:
So in my opinion it's better long term to have a woman accept the guy for who they are rather than trying to change to be what they want.
Agreed 100%. And for the guy to have the confidence to be who they are too.
I don't agree with all the Nice guy vs bad boy crap. I can't believe that heartless bitches website. What a load of wank.
If you read all that stuff too often you fall into the trap of thinking that there are only nice guys or bad boys out there. There is a whole range of different personality types out there, with nice guys and bad boys being at either end of the scale. There is everything else in between. Having said that, the idea of a linear scale is pretty limited, but you get the point.
Basically, women don't like guys that don't like themselves and have a whole bunch of things that they're very insecure about. As the old adage goes, "If you don't love yourself, how do expect anybody else to?"
Basically, unless you have a good relationship with yourself, don't bother trying to get into a relationship with anybody else. I don't know how many more ways I can say it.
Women do like guys that are funny, outgoing, confident, independent, leaders rather than followers, know what they want, aren't afraid to stand on their own too feet etc etc etc. There are probably lots more attractive qualities that I could list.
You can have all these positive qualities without being anything like the stereotypical jerk that these websites and dating articles go on and on about.
I have friends who are very successful with women and they are really nice. They're nowhere near being jerks.
Maybe a lot of women mistake jerk-ery for men with strong opinions, a sense of fun, a sense of direction.
I just wrote a long reply but then lost it. So much for the drafts thing!
Basically I totally agree with what Will has said here. Women aren't going to go for clingy, needy guys who have many severe insecurities and no confidence/independence. Women want men who are leaders, not followers.
I don't like the idea that men are either nice guys or bad boys. There are loads of different personality types out there.
As long as you don't have the mentality of a clingy toddler, coupled with a jealous psychopath, you'll probably be alright.
