Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden......."Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet". "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee". So, with
renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree". "Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget". "Pepe, when deed you ever hear
of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland "
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I!, And where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters,
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a
robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly
prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make
conversation about global warming factors, quantum
physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental
interconnectedness, string theory. The customer is very
impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides
to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back
in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your
IQ?".
The man responds, "about a 100."
Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time,
about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite
fast foods, guns, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to
give the robot one more test.
He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... reallllllly soooooooooooowly...
"Sooooooooooo ya gonna vote for Bush again?"
