I posted this on mens health, but then i found this place and heard it was better.

I'm 20 and just really getting in to the game properly now. Well there's a few problems that i would like some opinions and advice on, so here they are.

Firstly the chat up, i usually just go for a hello or something basic, sometimes just for some good eye contact and then move in for the kill, so to speak. When i do get talking to the girl i'm not sure of how much conversating to do or what they want to talk about, but i think i can do ok. I also find it impossible to strike anything outside of clubs. But i kinda know what just isn't worth it (classless).

Secondly I'm not sure what level of a girl i should be going for. I'm a decent looking guy, i think I'm a nice guy, I've had a few dance lessons and I've been complemented on my sense of fashion several times. But i tend to go for girls that I'm pretty sure i can get, sometime just for whatever is easiest, but usually a reasonable level, although nothing special. Also last week me and a mate were out clubbing and this very good looking girl, albeit not sober, came up and was clearly interested, although she had a friend and wanted to set her up with my flatmate (he wasn't up for it, even though her mate was quite good, he's not a team player at all. I could have killed him.) this got me thinking should i try a step up? any advice welcome.

clubbing I don't like chatting up girls in front of my mates, i don''t like the added pressure or the possible talk about it. So i tend to make my excuses and part from the group. Is this normal or advisable? Should i just not worry about this or continue my solo approach, i tend to tell them how i got on anyway.

Also to point out i tend to usually have a few drinks, maybe more, although i think i don't really need it.


Thanks for any advice and opinions, sorry for the style of post my composition might not be great.

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Hiya,

Well, I would question why you are going for the average girls and not the very good looking women! Are you worried that you'll be turned down? I think once you can handle the fact that even if X or Y doesn't fancy you, you are still the same good looking nice guy you was before, then you'll find you will get much more interest.

The confident guys really do get a lot more lucky.

I think probably parting from the group to chat to someone is a good idea. A lot of girls will be intimidated by your friends as they stand there and watch the action unfold!

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Dude, firstly welcome aboard. Secondly do what your name says and relax.

i will try and answer some of your points but i may miss some...

It's been a while since i had to chat up a woman, but that makes it easier to talk to them. Women seem to know if you have an agenda. There is a fine line between taking an interest in them and coming across like a stalker, ask a few questions about them and intersperse it with opinions or bit about what you like.

Yes, always punch above your weight, unless you are a boxer, most 'gorgeous' women admit to rarely being chatted up because most men think they are out of their league. if you think you are going to get blown out you will. Smile, strike up a conversation and walk away. if they're interested you will know and you can get back to them, the pressure is off you to pull and it is off them to make an instant decision. if you appear to be confident and not care it will give you a charm, overdo it though and you risk being branded arrogant.

By trying to pull in front of your mates you are adding pressure and chances are they are making faces and gestures behind you back (that the girl can see) just so you crash and burn and they can laugh at/with you.

be yourself, you are not as funny as you think you are when you have had a drink (unless you are me, in which case you will be 150 times funnier)

The most important thing is like i said first: relax, if you appear desperate or needy it shows. be friendly, charming intelligent and take an interest. and if you have the balls to actually go up to a complete stranger and strike up a conversation you are already over half way there.

it will happen, maybe not straight away, but what are mistakes for if not to learn from them?

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This is by far the most true part of FB's posts. If you're out with a group of mates then male group mode takes over. All the lads are out for a fun night and watching you strike out, then coming back to down a pint and get some ribbing is far better than you hooking up with a hottie and leaving for a while.

So, I agree with FB, go solo or with one wingman if you're approaching a woman in a group (bad idea if you're really just starting to find your feet, groups of women can be just as harsh to an unknown man as a group of men can be to one of their own mates).

I also agree with FB's points about aiming high - at the end of the day, as he says most of them don't get approached that often, so take it as a confidence boost that you had the balls to try whereas most men don't. You'll either get some success with absolute stunners or you'll find it easier when you move down a notch.

And finally (what am I, FB's fan club?) I agree about it being much easier to talk to girls if you aren't under pressure. When I've been out with a group of lads, it's been much easier to go and talk to a 9 or 10 out of 10 girl since I've been married as I know I don't want to do anything. Therefore there's not the pressure to succeed and it's easy.

It's going to be hard to emulate that carelessness when you sooo want to get in her knickers, but bear it in mind. As Lorri said, girls really do go for confidence - even if you're crapping it inside, acting cool on the outside really helps.

Best of luck. Feel free to post back in detail about your adventures/attempts on here and you can draw on the collective wisdom of a lot of decent blokes (and a few great girls for the insider's knowledge).

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Dude, you just gotta chill, go out to have a good night, if you end up chatting to some gorgeous young doris then great. if you go out aimiing to pull then you never will, girls are attracted to the confident casual guys, just chillout and it will all come naturally...

Oh and if your looking for a great chat up line, this one never fails...

"Pink or Brown?!!??"

Tre

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