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Hey Nicky, welcome. I'd sooner have been in my position than Mrs Will's though. Neither of us got much support from the hospital, but she was the one who had to go through the physical pain, the two weeks of bleeding and passing clots then surgery.
Although she did talk to a few close friends many were either pregnant or had just had a baby at the time and she didn't feel it was fair to share her experiences with them.
I think as you get further away from the event you can come out about it, but immediately after neither Mrs Will or I really felt able to tell people because it was too upsetting to talk about.
We'd also not told anyone bar close family she was pregnant. Many friends and colleagues of hers still don't know about the miscarriage.
I'm not surprised you didn;t tell people, Will. I guess it is a very personal grief, even more stranger than when a baby dies. Pregnant sister had pains the other day, which made us all worried. I guess it;s too easy to spend all your time worrying about what might go wrong.
We have a collegue at work who, along with her partner, has had an awful new year after losing their little girl at 26 weeks and still having to give birth. They have the their spare room decorated and everything, now they have a funeral to arrange.
Our office is a rather subdued at the moment. No one can stop thinking about how they are feeling having to go through it all.
So glad you and Mrs Will are having a more positive experience this time. I have my fingers crossed for you and wish you all the best :o)
What a terrible thing for your colleague to have to go through I have been through it myself and lost a baby at 10 weeks. It happened over 7 years ago but it is something I still think about. At the moment I have a friend who is 10 weeks pregnant and she has been experiencing some pain and discharge. The doctor basically wasn't at all optimistic and from what she said to me very matter of fact about the whole thing. I spent an hour on the phone with her today just listening, she is due for a scan on Monday and I think it the waiting of not knowing that is the worst for her. I try to approach it in the way that if something isn't right and it isn't meant to be it is out of your control. Saying this though it is still very emotionally painful. I tried to be strong and to brush it aside but a couple of weeks later after a few drinks I completely broke down. I also think many people feel for the woman and think the man has to be strong and get on with it. I'm sure it hits the men just as hard as women as the baby is part of two people. There should be more support for men in this situation as I feel they can be overlooked very easily.
My wife miscarried in 2000 at 10 weeks, thankfully we now have 2 daughters but I now my wife and I will never forget what might have been.
We were told by the doctor that miscarriages are often a result of a defect in the pregnancy, still hard to take though!
Reading all the stories has bought back memories but time is a great healer.
I know at the time my wife blamed herself but looking back, a miscarriage that early in pregnancy is very common.
We were told by the doctor that miscarriages are often a result of a defect in the pregnancy, still hard to take though!
Hi Blacky, we were told the same. It's 'nature's way' of telling you the baby's not viable. Very hard to take, agreed. Glad you've got new little ones.
sorry I missed this thread and my heart goes out to Will and everyone else that has suffered a miscarriage.
I know exactly how you feel me and the now ex Mrs BFG went through hell like this for 5 years, probably explains a little more as to where I am now and why I am now, anyhow we went through one miscarriage after another. Eventualy we went onto fertility treatment where the heartache continued things would run ok for 1 or 2 and even 3 months and then again the same happened. Thankfully in the end we found a great clinic and managed to get everything checked and blood tests the lot. We were succesful in the end and now have a great 5 year old. We did try for another and went all the way past IVF treatment to ICSI which is very expensive and like the last shot, but alas that failed after 2 months too and so we settled for the lovely baby we were lucky to get.
the sad thing is it drove a huge wedge between us in that the joy of sex became a means to an end and mechanised in our minds.
Some bridges are too far to cross no matter how much you try to help each other over them
